Dilemma... again :(

09 April 2014, Wednesday

Sometimes when life forces me to make decisions like this I really hate life. Why?

Just slightly more than a month ago, I made a decision after some very long and serious consideration over whether to join Rose Veranda or Sales as a full-time. I shall not brood over the pros and cons here but eventually I chose the latter.

And now, one month later after I joined sales, I heard news that the new Team Leader at Rose Veranda is "fired". She was in the same orientation group as me, which means she started almost at the same time as me.

Apparently bosses discussed with HR to say to let her go because she has been going on MCs without notice and not producing MC, also not replying messages or answering phone calls. I already had a pretty bad first impression of her the very first day we met, but I didn't expect her to last this short. Its a blessing though.

She was one cocky little girl, who worked part time six months in Banquet and thinks that she owns the whole world. Hello? I've been here for three years yet I'm not even saying anything so who the hell are you to make any comment? Not like I'm trying to compare myself to you but just... just saying.

Well here comes the issue. Now that the position is vacant again, I feel an invisible force pulling me back to operations... But I can't. I very very very want to work with my ex-colleagues and bosses again, very much. I told Honeylyn over dinner that they were not just my bosses. Having worked with them for some time, there's a certain level of personal emotions attached. I can't bear to leave them, honestly. They have invested so much in me, and I was especially upset when I heard what Mirko said about me in morning meeting. I am really upset.

Colleagues and friends have been seeing me around the hotel quite often and those who know me well enough have detected a sight change in my behaviour. "Why are you getting quieter after joining sales?" "Why do you look so sad?" "Are you very stressed?" All these questions were thrown to me these while, and I must admit: I am not enjoying my job as much as I did in the past.

I always argued with my dad and others who told me that when I start work I'd want to resume studying. I strongly disagreed with this because I truly believe I will enjoy working. However this is not the working life I expect to be living right now. I like my job; but I don't love my job. That's the issue here.

Maybe its just me being too sentimental and emotionally attached and all but seriously, this is tearing me apart. You all must think I'm crazy to make this entire thing sound so insanely crazy but it indeed is tearing me apart. I am feeling terrible inside. I have built bond with my current colleagues and I also can't bear to leave them. What to do? I'm so vexed.

If only I could have a talk with boss. If only boss could help me.